


What Is To Become Of Me?

by Justrollingwiththepunches



Category: Mansfield Park - All Media Types, Vikings (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Friends to Lovers, M/M, Master/Slave, Mutual Pining, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-28
Packaged: 2021-03-10 18:00:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,680
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28391295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Justrollingwiththepunches/pseuds/Justrollingwiththepunches
Summary: At 8, Athelstan, a boy who was longer wanted by his mother, is sold to the courts of King Sigurd and Queen Alfhild. The shy and timid boy grows especially close to their youngest son Ragnar. Athelstan is soon possessed with confidence, beauty and a keen mind and comes to the attention of Ecbert, a visitor to Kattegat. With twist and turns along the way Athelstan must decide he own possible future and which man should he give his heart to.
Relationships: Athelstan/Ragnar Lothbrok
Kudos: 23





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I started working on an Austen/ Viking mashup after rewatching Mansfield Park and to sustain my excitement for the final season of Vikings. So as expected this is influenced with references from Mansfield Park. I have no rights to any of the characters or plot. This is also my first ever fic. So please kudos, comment with any feedback, but mostly please enjoy :)

Imagine you’re a child again. A child who has never been away from home before. Not for one single day. When I was eight years old, my mother decided she no longer wanted me. I was half way through my journey from my little house in Ingstad, where I had been born, to live in the far away court of King Sigurd Ring and his wife Alfhild in Kattegat where I would become their slave. I had already been taught to be good, now I was told to never forget to be grateful. For a long time I was timid and unhappy. 

Meanwhile in the great hall of Kattegat, King Sigurd was speaking with his wife of the new arrival, “We should prepare ourselves for an ignorant child with vulgar manners. These are not incurable. He will soon yield to our ways in life or he will face the consequences.” 

His Queen in response, “I trust he will prove well-disposed, with more sense than to ignore your ruling and being among our sons will be an education in itself. “

The mule approaches closer and closer to what will be my new home, my new life. I can’t stop thinking what life, I will have no freedoms, I will be beaten and used as a play thing to any and all. I will be a slave until my death. 

When I finally arrive at the great hall of Kattegat the man Erik, who had accompanied me on my journey, pulled me in through the heavy doors. Sitting on their thrones before me are the King and Queen. As we approach I hide more and more behind the mountain that is Erik with his long hair that was kept loose and his long beard. Seeing this he moves me from behind him speaking softly “Come Athelstan, meet your King and Queen, your new masters” placing me in front of the King and Queen. We both bow, mine more shaky and unsteady than Erik’s simple tip of the head. The King suddenly speaks, shocking and scaring me. “The child must be tired after so long of a journey. Sit here.” Pointing at the floor before his feet. I slowly approach and lower myself to the spot he pointed too. The Kings attention is then drawn back to Erik who is presenting the King with the payment asked from my mother which then binds me to his service. The King looks within the small pouch in which the money is kept then nods his head to Erik as well as extending his hand with a few coins for him to take. Without word Erik returns the gesture and heads out of the great hall. As he opens the door the ruckus of four excited and energetic boys rush past him and he closes the door leaving me alone with them. 

The noise of the boys who have just entered the great hall is deafening. I want to cover my ears or simply hide but that simply is not an option. The boys come to a sudden holt, laughing and pushing one another in front of the King and Queen. 

“My sons!” the King announces as two stepped forward while two remained behind. One of the sons, the smaller of the two, looks to me and smiles a great and warm smile while the taller and older brother takes the opportunity to speak first. He was dark haired with a short cut, he had the start of muscles and a menacing smile that put me on edge. He spoke of their training with men that were older than them and how they had caused new scars for many and had many of them on their arses. He spoke with such enthusiasm and pride while addressing his parents when the second brother finally taking his eyes of me moved from behind him and said, “Rollo can I speak now?” Rollo turned sharply towards his brother, ”Shut up Ragnar.” But he never did, as he spoke I forgot to listen, I was too busy looking at the boy he must of only been a few years older than me, no older than twelve, he had long blonde hair that was tied up in a braid, he had a soft smile and a kind face. What caught my breath though was his ocean blue eyes. I couldn’t stop staring at him. He spoke and spoke of his conquests when the two boys that remained behind laughed at Ragnar’s story catching my attention as well as the King and Queens. The King spoke, “It seems you boys have had a very hard but rewarding day, well tonight we feast. Floki, Tortstein you can remain with us until it is time to feast.” The Kings attention was then on me. “Boys this is our new slave his name is...” I quiver and make myself as small as possible to avoid drawing any more attention to myself than necessary, not looking to anything or anyone except my crossed hands in front of me. I quietly reply “Athelstan.” I feel six sets of eyes on me and I can’t become any smaller. “Ragnar” the Queen says suddenly, “Can you take our new slave to his room, he’s had plenty of time to rest and make sure to find Gudmundr so he can put him to work.” Ragnar nods, “Yes mother”. I stand up on shaky legs, eyes on only Ragnar as I follow behind him trying to hold in my tears but not doing very well. The Queen in seeing this states, “This is not a very promising beginning.” The three remaining boys sniggering at the comment. 

As I follow behind Ragnar I sense that he keeps watching me. He suddenly stops, turns to face me and places a hand on my shoulder. I cough and wipe my eyes. He tells me, “Don’t worry.” I look away. A few moments pass when something catches my eye. Ragnar had pulled a small dagger out of a sheath and performs several tricks with it. He quietly says “Is it working?” I look at him quizzically. “My behaviour...is it making you feel better?” A small smile appears on my face. “Good. Anyway, I’m Ragnar. So who do you miss?” I talk of my family as we walk towards my room. We talk for what feels like forever when we stop at the door of my room. Before we go in he grabs my arm and squeezes it reassuringly. “Athelstan, while you are here no one will ever hurt you, I will protect you.” Looking into his blue eyes I know he his telling me the truth. The door was opened, what I saw was a bed, a chair, a table and a small trunk it was a bit cramped but it felt comfortable. I was told that he would be back soon and as I turned to Ragnar he had already left me in the room while he went to get Gudmundr. As I waited for Gudmundr and Ragnar’s return I thought that this whole thing might not be as bad as I thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Eight years passed quickly in the service of King Sigurd and his Queen. I never had a minute to miss the peace and quiet of my own home. There was always plenty to do. Gudmundr was in charge of me and from sunrise to sunset he had me working any and all jobs he so desired. I was the boy who was not wanted and I was so often made to feel it. Ragnar was the only exception, he took the time in securing my happiness and keeping his promise to me. He became my one true friend. 

As well as remaining in the kitchen I became Ragnar’s personal slave after a year of service and the Queen seeing Ragnar’s liking for me. My time with Ragnar was the happiest of my life. He would take me away from the great hall and it’s many rooms and take me to the fjord to swim and fish, both of which I had never done before, he took me horse riding, he taught me how to fight and defend myself with a dagger and an axe. “Never hesitate, Athelstan!” We spoke of Ragnar’s future and his dreams at the waterfall and we just spoke of anything we wanted before sleeping usually with Ragnar falling asleep in my room. My days were happier when I spent my time with Ragnar and sadder when his time was taken away. 

As years passed, I came to love him as more than my friend. 

“I’m not happy at having to leave Kattegat for so long, but it cannot be avoided. The allies in which you have made for me during your raids of England do not prosper and need our help to defeat King Aelle.” Turning to Rollo, “I will need you by my side during this fight.” Rollo’s face beaming at the honour of what he has just been asked. Turning to address his second son. “I believe I may trust you to your own judgement but I expect Ragnar that you watch over Kattegat and your mother while we are away.” Ragnar nodding in agreement then finding me and smiling brightly.

During the Kings departure Kattegat ran smoothly at the hands of Ragnar. He ruled fairly but kindly, all were happy to be serving him. Ragnar did not just think of his people but also his mother so to keep the Queen company a man was sent for one of Rangar’s many cousins, the formidable Lagertha. She was tall, had a fierce beauty with wild blond hair that had many braids and a softness to her eyes. A future shield maiden, a cunning warrior and equal match to any mans wit. She definitely kept Ragnar on his toes. Lagertha came to Kattegat with Siggy her servant. Siggy was much admired and performed her duties impeccably. They both fit in to the ways of Kattegat like they had always been there. They also provided a great support for Queen Alfhild and at times me.

For me during these times there was a spirit of newfound freedom. I still had to do my duties but I had never been happier. Ragnar’s time was split into many pieces but he always made time for me and all the things we did together. During an afternoon horse ride Ragnar expressed his doubts of his ability to rule and the boredom of it all. Shock quickly took over me, “Ragnar, you are a kind, understanding and just ruler, it’s suits you very well and besides being in charge is not all work and I know this doesn’t count but I was never happier.” I look away out of embarrassment but my attention was once again captured by a pair of ocean blue eyes, a teasing smirk, and a casual hand on my thigh.

However my happiness was not to remain. With the sudden brilliance of lightning Princess Aslaug and her cousin Ecbert arrived in our lives. Life at Kattegat would never be the same.


	3. Chapter 3

Aslaug was a princess of Gotaland. She was the clever and beautiful daughter of the shield-maiden Brynhildr. Her cousin Ecbert who was methodical, diplomatic and handsome man who was gaining just as much attention as his cousin.

“What a fine little village, this is where we will begin, in the rooms of the great hall lead by King Sigurd. Accounted with such a home it cannot be all deadly dull.” Aslaug said as she took in her surroundings. Laughing as a response Ecbert then added, “That will depend on the deadly dullness of its occupants my dear cousin.” Ignoring the comment Aslaug continued, “There are two sons both of which are grown and highly eligible but to not be left out, for you there are many a female cousin within their company. For me I have chosen the elder son.” “The heir? You always do” sarcastically commented Ecbert. “Even I couldn’t think myself thrown away on the eldest son of a King” responded Aslaug sharply. “So dearest minx what is our strategy?” “No strategy Ecbert, only the use of our natural powers.” “Then they are most certainly doomed” laughed Ecbert once again. “And you Ecbert you will marry their youngest cousin the beautiful and eligible Lagertha.” “Aslaug, we have not seen the best of matrimony. Marriage as we have seen it is all deceit and disappointment.” “Then there is one advantage to seeing the bad. Are we not more likely to deceive than be disappointed” said smugly by Aslaug. 

As they approached the great hall Siggy noticed them and announced quite loudly that they were nearing the entrance. Having expected them earlier in the day Queen Alfhild began, “Oh here they are, one can always rely on outsiders to be late.” Sniggers were heard across the room, my own included. She continued, “Its not as if they had to come far. I can’t foresee them staying too long in our village.” Siggy replies,”If I may, I have heard that on their journeys they do not endure places for more than a week.” Looking to Siggy Queen Alfhild asks, “How do they look?” Siggy quickly replied, “Well, Princess Aslaug maybe pretty but her prettiness does Lagertha no disservice and her cousin in comparison to your sons is plain, very plain indeed.” The Queen smiled brightly at the compliments given to her family. 

Queen Alfhild addressed the visitors with Ragnar sat beside her and Lagertha stood behind her with myself, Siggy and a few other servants scattered across the room, “I’m sorry that the rest of my family could not be here to greet you.” Ecbert’s attention clearly not on the Queen, but on Lagertha, continued to smile kindly but to Aslaug clearly disappointment questioned, ”Your eldest son is not with you, Queen Alfhild?” “My eldest son Rollo, is alongside his father in England fighting bravely to protect his father and his allies but his brother Ragnar here has astonished me at how well he supplies in his brothers and his fathers place.” “I do feel for you Queen Alfhild but I’m glad that you have the support of a great man.” Aslaug responded smiling fondly at Ragnar, it felt like something was falling inside my stomach when I saw Ragnar return it. Ecbert finally speaking asked, “Has King Sigurd faced many problems in England?” Ragnar quick to the defence of his father, “Circumstances in England are less than favourable but with my father and brother there those circumstances will soon change in our favour.” Conversation continued to flow easily between them but gradually split, Ecbert with Lagertha and Ragnar and Aslaug. I could feel the blood draining out of my face, heart hurting more and more at the sight of their easy smiles and Aslaug’s flirtatious touches. As a response to a statement made by Aslaug, Ragnar simply states as he moves back towards his mother, “It is a more dangerous time in which to make such a long sea journey for my father. He will not be rushed back for any person.” A quick reply was given by Ecbert, “In the case of your father, we both shall hope for a happy compromise between speed and safety.” “How very well put Ecbert” Lagertha’s flirtatious reply came. 

At the Queens insistence the four of them, with the addition of myself and Siggy at a distance, went for a walk around Kattegat.   
“This is perfect” sighed Ecbert. Looking at Lagertha, “I’m tempted to say too perfect.” Siggy practically swoons next to me hearing the comment. Whereas I’m trying my hardest to hold in a scoff. As they walk Lagertha drops something, Siggy taking her opportunity quickly rushes to her side to hand it back. Ecbert looking her over for a bit too long as she does so. I don’t trust him one bit.

“If Kattegat were mine, I would add a second great hall for more feast and festivities” suggested Aslaug. Looking around Ragnar replies, “Now I look, Aslaug, I like what I see to much to want to change it.” “Come Ragnar, you must want something” prompts Lagertha. “A place to worship our gods, more room for ship building?” she continued. “Why would Ragnar want a place to worship the gods? Surely their importance is not as great as other things” Aslaug supplies. Ragnar quickly states, “I strongly believe in the path our gods are sending me and even if it was in the smallest of ways I would repay them and I would do it gladly.” Aslaug shyly speaks, “Well, then, you must forgive my pleasantries Ragnar, I did not know.” They continue to walk around Kattegat and at times I catch Ragnar staring at Aslaug, my heart breaking more and more each time. Siggy interrupts my thoughts with the observation, “I rather think Lagertha’s ready to be fallen in love with.” Watching them until Ecbert turns around and glances at Siggy. I really don’t trust him.

I suddenly hear my name, looking around I see Þórunn, another servant, running towards me. She quietly tells me that Ragnar and Lagertha were needed back by the Queen. I approach Ragnar to pass on the message when I find all eyes on me, I shrink back and make myself look smaller. I jump slightly when Ragnar places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes it in the reassuring way he always does. I relay the message and allow them to say their goodbyes. A part of me is grateful that there time together is cut short but I know it won’t be for long. Ragnar falls into step with me and places an arm around my shoulders, we head back to the great hall with a easy silence, in front of us however Lagertha and Siggy are talking excitingly about Ecbert. 

“I like your Lagertha exceedingly.” Ecbert announces. “Is it truly just Lagertha you like best I saw your eyes wander to her servant.” Aslaug replies. “Of course!” Ecbert announces. “Do you really like Lagertha best? Her servant can be seen as beautiful and charming too.” Aslaug paused and but continued soon after not allowing Ecbert to reply, “And charmed. You have them both under your powers and you could have both at once.” They look smugly at each other. “So shall we stay on for a while?” Ecbert quickly asks. “Mmm, yes please.” Aslaug replies with a laugh.

Ragnar later finds me outside the great hall watching the water, so calm and strong with a steadiness too. My mind is filled with so many emotions and thoughts. The quietness helps me. I put on a brave face when he sits beside me. He takes a big breath and starts, “Athelstan, what’s your opinion on Aslaug?” My heart drops. I think hard on my answer and avoid looking at Ragnar when I give my reply. “Ragnar, my opinion is of no importance, the only opinion that matters is your own.” Looking sadly at me Ragnar ask, “Come Athelstan, your the only one I can trust.” Hesitantly I begin, “She has every virtue, fortune and a pretty face.” We both laugh at that filling me with pride that I can make him laugh. I continue, “But Ragnar, how does she not do all that she can to repay the gods? Does she always believe that things can be got by money?” Thinking of a response Ragnar began “I think Aslaug talks to amuse without thought. She does not think evil but she speaks it and it grieves me to the soul.” We sit outside just enjoying each other’s company up until the time I hear my name being yelled. I sigh, shrug and get up to leave when Ragnar grabs my wrist. “Thank you Athelstan.” I hesitantly walk away looking back at my best friend, when he says “Athelstan I wish people were more like you I...trust you more than words can say.” My heart surges with such pride and I cannot keep a smile from appearing on my face, I reluctantly continue to walk away but as I walk I unintentionally rub the area of my wrist that Ragnar just grabbed.


	4. Chapter 4

“I’ll make sure we will still have time together.“ Ragnar suddenly says five days later while we were fishing at the Fjord. I chose not to look at him as I know I would begin to cry despondently. I was losing him more and more each day. With his duties for Kattegat and Aslaug I had barely seen him since our time outside of the great hall. He needed me less and less as his servant and when I went to do my chores for him he was never there. 

A day later Aslaug had asked Ragnar for help in learning to ride a horse. “So you are to be an explorer?” “I am, yes.” Ragnar said brightly. “I’m surprised. Come on do change your mind. You really are suited for something better. It’s not too late, you could become an Earl and have your own land.” Prompts Aslaug. Shocked Ragnar replies, “Become an Earl with as much ease as I might go for a ride?” “There is always a way and with your fathers support.” Suggests Aslaug.   
“An admirable thought but I will not choose that path, I have made my choice.” Ragnar confidentially states. “But men like to distinguish themselves do they not?” Aslaug argues. “Do not doubt me, I will distinguish myself through the travels I choose and the fights and raids I choose.” Seeing that she could not win this discussion Aslaug spoke no more on the topic as she and Ragnar continued with her horse riding practice. 

The riding practice continued until they literally bump into me in the grounds of the great hall. “You are a natural rider Aslaug.” “Well I have a good teacher.” Ragnar at this point walks into me as I pick something off the floor. “Oh Athelstan, I’m sorry.” Ragnar quickly says. Offering a hand to help me. Of which I decline. “Really it’s of no importance.” Ragnar retracts his hand with a solemn look. “Oh I’m sure it is. I do apologise.” Aslaug adds as she is grabbed by the hips and helped down from the horse by Ragnar. “Your master and I had so much to talk about that we simply did not see you. But selfishness must be forgiven because there’s never any hope of a cure.” Aslaug looking me up and down and laughs as she walks away. I look to Ragnar with a face that I hope to be impassive, nod my head in acknowledgment of him and turn to continue my work. What was I to say? I am no one. No one of importance and I can be treat like that with no other reason other than I can be. But I never thought that he would allow it.

Once again there was another feast in the great hall. Spirits were high and drink was flowing freely. As I pour Torstein another drink I hear Floki whisper, “To see a short, mean looking man set up for a fine man is ridiculous.” Both looking sternly at Ecbert. I cannot say anything but I wholeheartedly agree with what has been said. 

I continue to walk around the great hall, serving drinks, replacing trays of food with fresh and taking away plates and cups that are no longer of use. It was during one of my journeys to the kitchen with my hands full of plates I come across Ragnar and Aslaug talking in a quiet corner. “I must at long last hold you to my heart.” I overhear Ragnar say. My heart suddenly stops and the plates fall from my hands.  
At the commotion there is a loud cheer, Aslaug is then quick to say, “Now what have you done Athelstan? If all you can do is cause mischief we’re better off without you.“ Dragging Ragnar away.

I clean up the mess that I have created, I look to Ragnar and once again his attention is on Aslaug. But he does quickly glance in my direction. I can no longer take it. I storm out of the great hall, not caring about the possible consequences, heading quickly towards the beach and sitting close to waters edge. Hopefully the sea will calm the anger that is raging within me. 

“Hello mouse.”The words are said from somewhere behind me so I quickly turn towards the voice. “Your majesty! Rollo” I quickly stand and bow. “What are you doing here? When did you all return? Are you all in good health?” “Hello Athelstan. So many questions to answer. I will answer yours and many of the others questions soon.” King Sigurd replies tiredly. As I bow to him in a form of apology I quietly add, “Welcome home, Sir.” I receive an unexpected hug from the King. As he steps back he looks at me and adds, “My word you have finally grown in health.” I blush profusely. Then the King adds, “Now where are the rest?” I walk slightly behind the King and Rollo as we walk back to the great hall. 

There is much celebration among the great hall at the return of the King and his son. As the King spoke to his people the Queen, Rollo and Ecbert discussed the recent adventure. “How disagreeable, I wonder how anyone can ever go to sea.” The Queen exclaims. “I couldn’t feel more differently.” Ecbert contrastingly states he continues to say, “Listening to Rollo I envy him in every danger. To have battled through so much and the glory of heroism puts me to shame.” Looking to Rollo, “There is nothing heroic in what I do I just do as the gods and my father commands.” Queen Alfhild smiles proudly at her son.


	5. Chapter 5

The next day addressing his wife the King asked, “Do you find Ecbert and Princess Aslaug agreeably?” Queen Alfhild quickly replies, “Ecbert is very pleasant and Princess Aslaug is... a lively, pretty girl.”  
Floki who was sat further down the table mumbled, “I don’t say that he is not a gentleman...but considering all he cares for is women or anyone of interest and glory he is in many ways aimless.” King Sigurd looks confused by the statement but he considers it deeply as Floki, even though odd, is a true ally to all. To break up the silence Ragnar quickly asks, “Father, Rollo you have not told us the outcome from your stay in England.” The King proudly answers, “I am pleased to say our allies now prosper greatly and gain the lands of King Aelle with his defeat and death.” With a braveness that comes from no where I address the King, “I hope you won’t mind my asking Sir, but after spending more time in England do you think it will be favourable for all to take men and settle there for its land and riches?” All eyes turn to me and remain on me even as the King answers, “I think, we may very well settle there but without order we will be lost.”

King Sigurd thought of Athelstan for most of the day, thinking of what he had said and how bravely he spoke. So during that nights feast King Sigurd suddenly says while in the company of Ragnar and Ecbert, “Surely some young person with good standing will sit up and take notice of a slave as good as him. Think of all they could do with him.” The eyes of Ragnar and Ecbert avert quickly to Athelstan. Ragnar’s with jealousy at the thought of someone else having Athelstan and never seeing him again. Ecbert’s eyes however look differently, his eyes were opened fully to all that was Athelstan. He saw that he was smaller than Lagertha but not by much, he was thin, had clear blue eyes, short curly brown hair, his face was clean of any facial hair and he a timid nature, oh yes I could get use to him and have my fun with him too he thought. 

So like a predator stalking his pray Ecbert waited for the right moment to pounce.  
“You seem interesting Athelstan," Ecbert says a day later as he surreptitiously slips into the room and causally sits on a bench next to Ragnar. "What? I'm nobody and there's nothing interesting about me, there are plenty of people in Kattegat that are more interesting than me, like Ragnar and Lagertha." I try to explain. With a sudden rebuttal, "That's not true, there’s plenty of things that are interesting about you.” Ecbert smiles smugly to himself. I walk out of the great hall without looking back. Ragnar quickly follows me and says, “I know you well my friend and I know what tortures you.“ I don’t say anything and keep my eyes averted. “Athelstan you must begin hardening yourself to the idea that you are something to look at and that you are...” I walk away without letting him finish. “Profound.”

Ragnar was looking out at the thunder sent later on that day by Thor with lightning lighting up the sky, the storm had come from no where, the wind lashing against the great halls walls and rain beating down on the roof. When his father approached him. ”You could do worse Ragnar.” “Father?” “They are pretty and bright and I dare say without worth.” “Athelstan?” “Aslaug, Ragnar. I meant Aslaug.” Ragnar became flustered at his response.

Lagertha received notice that she was needed back home as her father was very ill. Not three days later Lagertha and Siggy were gone. Rollo again was sent away to see how well he could raid and defend without the presence of his father. “Ready to raid. All day, everyday!” he says proudly as the boat he, Floki and Torstein are on sets off.

After there departures Aslaug spoke with Ragnar. “Waving goodbye to your cousin and brother has made me wonder what there is to keep me at Kattegat.” “Will you not stay for my sake.” Ragnar responded. Without hesitation Aslaug comments, “I can imagine it being pleasant enough to spend a bit of time here but in a village hut, no.” “Might you not feel differently in time.” Ragnar prompted. Sharply Aslaug continued, “You think I should be the one that changes, I doubt it, I’m stubborn Ragnar. I always get my way in the end.“

As I prepare for sleep that night Ragnar enters my room without knocking and lays nonchalantly on my bed. “She shows her affection to others so easily whereas to me she seems determined to torment me, I’m sure she doesn’t mean half the thing she says but you know the kind of life Aslaug wants. Could I ever live like she wants?” He looks at me expectantly, “Well what about the life you want to live? Haven’t you always said that being a traveler is all you ever wanted, doing that will make your life a good life.” “Yes I have and for me it will.” Looking thoughtfully for a long time at the ceiling before falling asleep beside me. 

“Aslaug, how was young Ragnar?” Ecbert asks that night as they head back to there hut, “I sparsely spoke with him all day.”  
“Ragnar is as ever Ragnar was. Determined on travelling and nothing more.” Ecbert sniggers in amusement at Aslaug’s dismay. “He will not change his mind?” He questions then adds “So you are to leave then?” “Yes Ecbert I am.” Looking across to Ecbert, “Does this mean you are to stay?” Smiling self satisfyingly, “No, but I have do have something different planned but don’t worry I will still be accompany you home.” “Ecbert what are you up to?” “I fancy having Athelstan fall in love with me.” He says complacently. “Athelstan what? What nonsense!” Aslaug scoffs. “Haven’t you noticed his looks? He has grown more handsome, how well he speaks of matters when asked and even better he is a slave, so it will be easy to have him bend to my will.” Exhausted by the conversation Aslaug states, “The truth is there is no one for you to notice and you have to have someone...Well...A little love might do him a bit of good.” Ecbert quickly adds, “All I’m asking is to make a small hole in Athelstan’s heart.” Aslaug rolls her eyes and continues to walk to their hut. Ecbert looks on triumphantly. 

“Athelstan, can I speak with you?” “Yes Ecbert.” “I want you to know if I could I would stay longer here with you. I so wish I could of continued improving and perfecting my intimacy with you. You have created sensations in my heart that I have never experienced before. There is only one happiness in life and that is to live and be loved.” Shocked by this revelation I simply reply, “Ecbert do not speak nonsense!” “Nonsense!” ”Yes Ecbert, you are such a fine speaker that you may actually convince yourself.” “Athelstan!” Ecbert proclaims, “You are killing me.” “No man dies of love.” I say as I walk away. Ecbert looking on bewildered.


	6. Chapter 6

“I am here to inform you that Ecbert has asked my permission to loan you for a period of time as he goes with cousin back to Götaland and I have given my blessing.” I look to King Sigurd in sheer bewilderment. “Clearly I am too old to have seen how valuable you are to others and not just to our family.” The King adds. I slowly slump to the nearest chair. “Please hurry and get ready you are required immediately.” He kisses my head and tells me, “Do not fear.” Without reserve I tell the King, “I cannot go sir.” “You are of need and you are not insensitive to his charms Athelstan we have all seen.” “But I do not trust him sir.” I say desperately. “What do you distrust?” “His nature, Sir. Like many charming people he conceals a dependency of the appreciation of others.” “And what is so terrible about that.” King Sigurd snaps. “Do you trust me?” “Yes Sir.” “Well I trust him. You will go with him and you will do a great service. You forget your place Athelstan. Never forget what you are.” I know at this point that the discussion is over. 

Ragnar comes to me on the day of our departure with a carved ornate figure of a Raven in his hand. “Take it if you want. I thought you could keep it to remember me until your return.” I turn it over in my hands looking at the care needed to make it. A smile stretching my entire face. “This is beautiful. How can I ever thank you. I hope you know...” I stumble with my words. “I hope you know how much I will miss you.” “I will miss you too Athelstan but as for the gift just take it, take it as it is, it’s a token from one of your oldest friends.” Ragnar says gladly. Our eyes met and for a split second, I believe that time stands still.

The moment breaks suddenly by the arrival of Aslaug. Ragnar turns to Aslaug as I place the raven somewhere where it will not get lost or damaged. 

“Ragnar, I think you must admit that you are in love with Athelstan.” Aslaug comments. Shocked by the accusative comment Ragnar replies, “Of course I am but there’s just as many forms of love as there are moments in time.” Happy with the answer she holds out her hand for assistance from Ragnar as she climbs onto the cart. She looks to him once more and says, “Goodbye Ragnar, I hope it’s not too long until I see you again.” Then commanding for the cart to go. I get on my horse that was next to Ecbert and I also begin to part. I look back to Ragnar until I can see him no more. 

During the journey Ecbert asks, “Have you been happy at Kattegat Athelstan? They have been kind?” My answer in spoken instantly, ”Yes they have been kind and I love them all as I should but... my only friend is Ragnar.” “You speak so often of Ragnar I am jealous.” I sheepishly reply, “Ragnar is different, he is a true friend.” We continue on our journey to Götaland. 

While there Ecbert sought my company more and more. He treat me as a normal person and not a slave. He walked with me around Götaland and sat with me as I drew or read, I was lucky, before my mother gave me away I was taught how to read, her only gift given to me. He read aloud passages from books that I enjoyed. “You read well.” I unconsciously say. “Thank you.” He flirtatiously says and walks away. Looking back to see if I was watching. I try my hardest not to look as I feel as though I am betraying Ragnar if I was to do so. 

“Tomorrow is my birthday so we are to have a celebration on the beach.” Ecbert announces. I immediately reply, “I shall go to the kitchens and ask what they need help with.” “No! No Athelstan, you misunderstand, you shall go to the celebrations as my guest.” Holding my hand and squeezing tight. I thank him and shyly look away. 

Aslaug speaks to me the next day as preparations for the party are in full swing. “The nonsense and folly of people stepping out of their rank... Now that you are to move into company of higher status you must never forget whatever the occasion you will always be the lowest, the last.” She announces as she looks me over with a slight air of disgust. “Do not worry Aslaug I shall never forget that, unless of course I’m enjoying myself to much to remember.” I walk away with my hands full of blankets for people to sit on. 

During the celebration a older man approaches me as I take a quiet moment. I recognise him from my times in the Götaland’s great hall. He is a friend of the Kings. I believe his name to be Cuthbert. “This is a great celebration is it not?” I nod in agreement. “You know, I've just realised I've not even asked you your name." Cuthbert gives me an expected look and waits for my answer, "My name is Athelstan." We stand in silence when Cuthbert begins, “He loves you Athelstan, if any man loves someone forever I think Ecbert would do as much for you.” As Cuthbert speaks thoughts of the person I trust and love the most run through my mind and that person is not Ecbert. Cuthbert continues, “The evidence that he chooses you just proves his good character. He could make you very happy and you would be the making of him. All you need is time to see that for yourself.” I felt like the air had been knocked out of me. 

As the celebration continues Aslaug is again next to me. “Look at you Athelstan, with Ragnar and his cousins nowhere in sight you are quite the centre of attention.” “I think I prefer to be overlooked.” I bashfully respond. “Oh no, you should just enjoy it, it serves no purpose to blush unseen.” Aslaug pauses for a moment as she looks at the celebrations that surround her. “I’ve never seen Ecbert take so much trouble over anyone before. I believe I detect some thaw in your feelings towards him?” How can she believe such a thing. I tell her in a strong and assertive manner, “I’m sorry but you are mistaken, I promise you, you are mistaken Aslaug.” Not at all feeling dismissed Aslaug continues, “I must tell you Athelstan, I shall be going away to visit our dearest Lagertha for some time. I am quite pleased to be seeing her again, she’s been missed and I hope I have been missed in return. I must also confess that I would like to see Ragnar again. Hopefully, while I’m there I will have a chance to see him as there has been a many a thing said that I wish unsaid with all my heart. I will be traveling alone so do look after my dear, dear cousin like he does for you. You have so much heart than one usually finds, so allow yourself to use it while thinking of my cousin.”


	7. Chapter 7

“Here you are.” Ecbert slowly sits next to me on the sand. “I bet you have never been up so late in your life.” After a pause he continues, “Personally I am worn out with civility. Talking all evening with nothing to say.” With nothing to respond I look up. Ecbert’s gaze follows mine. “How lovely is it?” “Lovely indeed.” His focus turns to me again, “And how lovely you are tonight Athelstan.” I scoff and keep my gaze low. “You have grown up into someone astonishing.” Our hands graze as we once again look up to the skies. I move my hand away to Ecbert’s dismay. 

“You must allow me to say what I feel, Athelstan. Feelings that...you cannot have been completely unaware of.” “Ecbert, please don’t.” I plead. “I know you think most highly of Ragnar, he is a fine man, but to my understanding he is to be married to my cousin and you will have no purpose or need within his life. I know I have an appearance of inauthenticity and you are far superior in merit with the touches of the angel in you. I know you have witnessed my insincere intentions for Siggy but ever since I first saw you I wanted you. You reignited the fire within me and I have to have you." He gripped my face. “I beg for you to look at me again, I am changed and I shall wait for you until the end of time. Athelstan, are we not made for one other.” I avert my eyes. “You doubt me. Allow my constancy to prove that I have changed.” “I cannot. It is the very change of fondness that scares me Ecbert.” “Then I shall wait for you Athelstan.”

The more time I spend away from Kattegat the more alone I feel and because of that Ecbert’s company is beginning to become some what of a comfort to me. But I know in my one’s heart of hearts that it will never be anything more than that. I know I would never be happy with Ecbert and allowing him to believe that I some day could be would be cruel. 

Meanwhile on the beach at Kattegat Ragnar spread his cloak out on the boats deck. "Lay him on this, we'll carry him.”  
“Please be careful with him,” the Queen begs as the men move him onto the cloak. Floki calls once Rollo is placed comfortably on the cloak, “We should go, while he's unconscious. It will be better for him. Pain can kill as easily as any wound." Ragnar gatherers up a corner of his cloak as more men take up the sides and the other corners. They lift Rollo and walk away from the boat towards the great hall. As they place Rollo onto his bed, “Carefully now.” The Queen repeats worriedly looking on. 

Ecbert comes to me a few days later to reiterate his feelings towards me. "I promise I will look after you Athelstan, until you love me, like I love you." At this point I began trembling with fear because deep down I know I have to tell him the truth, no matter how hard it would possibly be. “I will never love you. This is wrong Ecbert.” A few moments pass when, “It's that coward Ragnar, isn't it?" Ecbert asked coldly. I stop suddenly with my eyes widening accidentally giving my affections for Ragnar away. "Your expression says it all." Ecbert declares sounding hurt. He grips my shoulders hard and says, “Why?...Why do you like him? What does he have that I don't?" he yelled uncontrollably in my face. He releases my shoulders and takes a step back, Ecbert reacts so quickly I don’t see the blow coming, it is a sudden hard blow across my face that sends me crashing to the floor. I lose count of the number of blows I receive after that, he continues hitting my face and shoulders, and sending harsh kicks to my stomach. I fall into darkness as the blows come to a stop. 

Ecbert sighs in annoyance as he paces his room. He knows that he has fucked up his chance. He has finally ran out of will power and he knows he has to finally accept that he has to let Athelstan go. He drops his head and begin to dwell in his own self pity. 

When I wake I am alone in the same place I was left. My thoughts run wildly in my head. What was I to do now? I have no one and no way to escape. Where would I even go. Am I to be stuck here forever? My heart then asks, what about Ragnar?


	8. Chapter 8

It’s as if the Gods could here my inner cries. As evening approaches the announcement rings out of his presence. “Ragnar.” I cry out happily but as I get closer and closer to him I can see how distressed he appears to be. “I have come to take you back to Kattegat Athelstan. You are needed there.” Concern fills my entire body. “What’s happened?” “It’s my brother, he returned home from his recent raid with many injuries and from these injuries a fever was brought on to him that he now hardly knows who or where he is. The situation is very grave, we must hurry.” He pauses slightly, “If you wished too that is. But know I want you to come back.” I look to Ragnar and realise how much I have missed him, and how much I love and need him. I smile a little, and Ragnar smiles back. “Let’s go home.”

I quickly grab what little possessions I have and as I prepare to leave with Ragnar I do not look back or stop to find Ecbert to tell him of my departure. Ragnar quickly sees the struggle I have to mount the horse and the bruises on my face. He is about to speak when I beat him, “I trust other than this tragedy you are well?” “Yes, I am well. But you however are not.” He says sternly pointing to my face. What can I say, I try hard to say something, “I found that...I...I found that when...” To save me the trouble Ragnar adds, “Surely you and I are beyond speaking when clearly words are not enough.” He hesitates then adds, “I missed you.” I answer instantly, “I missed you too.” He quickly adds, “A frown doesn’t suit you Athelstan lets hope that can be changed when you are home.”

As we arrive back at Kattegat, Ragnar gladly announces, “You’re home!” We quickly head straight to Rollo’s room where we find the King and Queen sat in despair. They look up at our arrival, the King glances at my face with sadness as the Queen quietly says, “Athelstan you are home. Thank Odin we have you. I will now feel comforted.” She approaches me and places a hand on my arm. “I’m..I am so very very frightened Athelstan.” To hopefully reassure her, I place my hand on top of hers and say, “I’m sure we have more reason to hope than to fear.” Rollo suddenly surges in pain. We all desperately look to Rollo and my instincts take over. I take my place next to Rollo, encouraging him to take small sips of the water I find on his bedside. I also make sure Rollo is comfortable by ensuring he has warm furs and blankets. I hear the small whisperings of the Queen as she leaves the room with her husband, “I hope you are right Athelstan.” And in my heart I truly that I am. 

As I press a damp cloth to Rollo’s forehead, neck and chest a silence passes between Ragnar and I. We sit like that for some time until I can no longer resist asking the question I wanted to ask since discovering Ragnars recent travels from Þórunn while retrieving more water. “You saw Aslaug during your visit to see Lagertha?” “Yes everyday. But not once alone. She was enjoying all attentions given. She spoke a great deal, she said nothing sensible or kind. I suppose she was her show off self. Like a stranger I had to argue every little point with.” Ragnar dejectedly replies. I get up from where I am sat and place a hand on his shoulder. It remains there for a small time until I return to continue my care for Rollo. 

The next morning as I walk through the great hall with supplies for Rollo I hear the arrival of a visitor being welcomed by Queen Alfhild. “Ecbert, Aslaug these are sad circumstances in which to meet again but I thank you for joining us. Lagertha will be here very soon.” I look to them both, bow and say, “Welcome.” Then turn and walk away without turning back. I am pleased to not see either again as my time is gladly spent with Rollo.

Queen Alfhild and King Sigurd welcome Lagertha and Siggy soon after. Lagertha immediately goes to see Rollo as Siggy takes their possessions to their rooms. On her journey Siggy comes across Ecbert drinking heavily in one of the side rooms. Ecbert looking up at the sound of approaching feet. “I trust you are well Siggy?” “I am. How are you, Sir?” He scoffs. “He has rejected me Siggy.” He adds with a sigh. She looks a his forlorn face and says, “If only the sigh was for me, it may all have been different.” She walks away from him decisively. 

That night while attending Rollo I hear loud screams of distress. I immediately get up to see if anyone is in need of help. But I am not the only one to do so. Ragnar appears in the corridor and looks to me questioningly. We continue on quickly to find the source of the noise and when we find it we open the door forcefully and what we find is Ecbert trying to rip the clothes off of Siggy in order to rape her. Without hesitation Ragnar rips Ecbert away and drags him away from the room as I go to comfort Siggy. Siggy calms but is still anxious and is unable to rest. So together we go and continue to care for the slowly improving Rollo. I cannot help but wonder where Ragnar was and what he was doing to Ecbert.


	9. Chapter 9

Ragnar had dragged Ecbert to the hut that was shared by Floki and Torstein, which was just behind the great hall. With the help of his friends he tied Ecbert to a chair and began to beat him until blood dripped from every wound. “Tell me why?” Ragnar commanded as he cracked his knuckles just to make his point. Without hesitation Ecbert started, “I wanted her and she refused me so I was going to take what I wanted besides she’s just a slave I can do what I please.” Ragnar again starts his beating of Ecbert until Ecbert pleads for it to end. When Ragnar stops Ecbert takes a shaky breath and continues his reasoning, “I was jealous too. When he chose you. When he chose to come back with you I felt his loss grievously. It was as if he had torn part of myself away from me. He belongs with me. I could protect and love him too.” Ragnar scoffs at what has just been said. “I believe we are now talking of Athelstan? Who are you to say where he belongs. He has chosen his path and that is with me and you say that you would of protected him when you beat him for not getting the answer you wanted. You are no man and he is better away from you.” 

A decision was made about what would happen to Ecbert and the outcome was for him to be exiled from both Kattegat and Ingstad. Ragnar wanted a harsher punishment for all that he had done but Floki and Torstein reminded him of his stature and what possible problems could arise from doing such a thing. So it was decided, and before the sun had even risen over Kattegat, Ecbert was gone.

The next morning we all had discovered that Ecbert had gone. “I need to talk to you all, Aslaug this includes you too.” Ragnar had announced that morning, dragging me behind him. All of us, including Aslaug but excluding Siggy who remained with the more stable Rollo, listened on as Ragnar explained what had transpired the previous night. He then continued to say, “I’m sorry to be the one to have told you of this but it is of great need to be spoken. As a result, last night I had no choice to act immediately in a small hope to at least reverse a desperate situation. I’ve become aware of my own errors too late. I had hoped that my friends and allies would be there to always protect my family and to those who they deem important but I did not succeed. I knew Ecbert as no more than a stranger and now it is too late. Siggy has been changed and others have been hurt by his hand.” Aslaug was the first to speak and quick in the defence of her cousin. “But she is a slave. Do you think he set out to do this? Besides why are we making so much out of this she is only a slave.” Lagertha quickly jumps to the defence of her friend, “She is still a person with as much value as myself.” Aslaug bit back, “I don’t mean to defend Ecbert at your friends expense but they are both at fault.” She continues to speak and to teardown everyone within her presence. I look to Ragnar who looks bewildered by it all. I can no longer listen and I quickly address everyone. I have known from the moment I arrived here that even though you are all nice you're all so fierce. I have no doubt that any of you would protect what is yours." Lagertha responds for everyone, "As long as we think it's worth protecting then yes we will and I believe Siggy is worth protecting.” “Ecbert is my family and I will protect him!” Aslaug all but yells. “Besides, if Athelstan had accepted my cousin, Ecbert would of taken no pain in being in good terms with Lagertha and Siggy. It would of all ended in a flirtation when we were in each other’s company. This is all Athelstan fault.”

She continues on, “To secure my happiness Ragnar you must allow this indiscretion.” It takes Ragnar some time to speak, but when he does he speaks clearly and confidently, “Your happiness is forever beyond my power.” “Ragnar, it’s not too late. Do change your mind, For me? I understand I must not say such things but we must be prepared for every eventuality. If Rollo is unable to recover and cut off now it would be most tragic but then Ragnar you will be the heir and wealth and consequence could fall in hands no more deserving.” Silence falls across the room.

Ragnar begins with disgust, “Is that everything you want to say because enough! That is enough! I cannot believe what I am hearing. Have you no sense at all. All you see is folly. A little embarrassed that is of no concern if only we’re sensible and think straight. Siggy’s torment will last forever as well as her sadness...” Ragnar stumbles slightly in what he speaks but continues, “The woman I thought I loved does not exist. She was a dream in my mind. So much the better, I have less to lose.” “What a pretty lecture Ragnar, love is supposed to endure a little disappointment is it not or so I am told.” Without hesitation, “Goodbye Aslaug.” Ragnar proclaims as he walks out of the great hall. The rest of the family following closely behind. 

That evening I find Ragnar pacing on the beach. As I approach I can see his distress. Once I am in front of him and without any hesitation I hug him with all that I could possibly give. “How I was deceived, how I deceived myself.” I look sadly at him.


	10. Chapter 10

A few days later Floki comes to visit Rollo, “I have done all I can and we must stay optimistic, hopefully soon he will gain his strength.” I place a damp cloth to Rollo’s head as Ragnar looks on. Ragnar suddenly says, “Do not forget brother that we have spoken of how in the darkest hour when the demons come call on us, we will fight together. I am here Rollo to fight with you.” Approaching his brother and gripping his hand.

Before Ragnar leaves sometime later I stand and say, “Ragnar I wanted to thank you for, well, everything.” "Your welcome Athelstan." "But I also want to apologise." Ragnar quickly interrupts, “There is nothing to apologise for, what ever you think you should apologise for it does not matter anymore.” “But Ragnar it does... When Rollo is of good health I must leave Kattegat, it is better for me and for you that I leave.” “What do you mean?” Ragnar suddenly surges at me. ”You cannot leave. You cannot leave me, I love you and you are the one person I can truly trust. So you must stay. While you are here no one will ever hurt you again, I will protect you.” He embraces me tightly. I stumble on my words while still wrapped in his arms, “It does not matter where I go, what matters is where you are going.” 

“Have you both not gotten over yourselves yet?” Rollo coughs out as he finally wakes. “You are especially playful for a man who was very close to entering Valhalla.” “I have only just arisen yet I am already bored. Athelstan can you read to me. I could do with a pretty face to look at.” Ragnar smiles at his brothers comment. “You are improving in health with every second I see. This illness seems to have brought out of Rollo’s true nature I warn you Athelstan be careful.” “Don’t worry, I can handle Rollo, he just like a big bear with a thorn in his paw...grumpy.” As I turn and smile at the man lying in his bed. “We’ll see about that.” Ragnar adds. “Athelstan you most definitely are the best.” I blush at Rollo’s remark.

Days continue to pass by with Rollo slowly gaining his strength. I am no longer needed especially when Siggy volunteers to assist him at every opportunity possible. During those days glances are shared between Ragnar and I. But when Ragnar gazes at me it is with a look that I cannot quite place.


	11. Chapter 11

One night Ragnar enters my room like so many other times before. But this night he becomes flustered within my presence, which has never happen before, “I only wanted to say...what I wanted to say is...” I ask, “It wasn’t about riding tomorrow was it?” “Yes, yes that was it..I just er...I just wanted to make sure that you had not forgotten.” “I hadn’t.” I say reassuringly. “Good. I’m glad.” He begins to stutter again when I simply say, “And now Ragnar I really must go to bed.” “Yes of course sorry. Well then...Goodnight Athelstan.” “Goodnight Ragnar.” He turns and slowly walks to the door hesitating as he reaches for the handle. He eventually opens the door and looks to me again before leaving. 

The next day after being sent on an errand by the Queen, Ragnar finds me walking along the beach. “We’re all free to do as we please?” “Yes Ragnar we are.”  
“Well let me tell you this, what will truly please me is that you forgive my blindness, my stupidity. I love you. I truly love you. I want to be with you always. Forgive me for not seeing sooner.” He places his hand on my cheek, cupping my face gently. He leans in slowly, giving me enough time to back away if I wished and a slight peck was placed against my lips. He moves back and we rest our foreheads together. I breathily ask, “Why would you pick me? I am nothing more than a slave. You may be ridiculed, your reputation could be ruined.” “I don't care.” Ragnar said. “I never did. I choose you? Over and over and over again, I choose you! In this lifetime, in any lifetime, I want you.”

I smile uncontrollably at him as he places his hands on either side of my face and kisses me until neither of us could breathe, my head spinning with excitement and joy. I hold on to Ragnars tunic tightly bringing him in closer so that we are pressed together. Ragnar moves his hand so now there was a hand on my waist, and one still on my face, his thumb brushing gently over my jaw. I lean into his touch, allowing myself to become lost in in the touches of his hands, the hands that I longed for. We could not tare away from each other embraces for a long time. But in the end we had to stop, we stopped because we both knew that it was just the start and we would continue to have each other’s embraces to the end of time. 

“Look King Sigurd,” Queen Alfhild points us out as we head back to the great hall with Ragnars arm across my shoulder pulling me in tightly. “Now perhaps Ragnar will ask Athelstan to be hand fasted.” “What? Ask Athelstan but surely?” “Oh my dear, Athelstan has been in love with Ragnar since the first moment he saw him and you should know by now that Ragnar does as Ragnar pleases." The King and Queen look out at us happily. 

Soon after, our hand fasting took place. During the celebrations I ask Ragnar, “Is it possible to be so happy?” “Yes it is, my love.” Ragnar responds then adds, “Let’s also make it our business to be happy always.” He then looks to me with a look full of fondness and love. A look I easily return. 

In time Rollo’s health was fully restored and he and Siggy were married. They had many beautiful children together. Rollo ruled over Kattegat and Northumbria after his fathers death. 

Eventually, Aslaug and Ecbert found partners in Kwenthrith Princess of Mercia   
and Sigvard Earl of Hedeby. Their relationships were not happy ones and they remained miserable together while seeking comfort from anyone who was willing of which was very few. 

Ragnar and I however traveled the world seeing all of its wonders. We took part in conquests and raids, which allowed Ragnar to earn a distinguished status. Along the way we took in children who were no longer wanted by their family, just as I was, and became fathers to them. Our sons were Bjorn, Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, Ivar and Alfred. Six fine young men that made a name for themselves across the world but never forgetting their father. They helped to rule the many nations that Ragnar conquered. However we were not finished with our adventures just yet. “We have so many years left to live.” “Then let’s live it!” Ragnar whispers in my ear.


End file.
